Again and Again

“If we cannot implement our new year’s resolutions, it’s still not a bad idea to make some.” People tend to make a new year’s resolution every year but while they are saying those promises and changes, they end up lying to themselves because throughout the year, nothing change, it’s still the same routine, same attitude and same insights… well, it’s not impossible that we can actually make our resolutions for this year to come true… we just have to be true to ourselves and we should commit to ourselves that we are going to change the things that we are wishing and what we are dreaming to happen… it’s not impossible… I tell you…


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Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Christmas is fast approaching...

Indeed, Christmas is fast approaching… How would I describe this year’s Christmas… As the month of December came, I already felt the chilly breeze of the wind and it makes me excited to the fact that I’m already thinking of what I will be going to give to my loved ones. I really can’t explain the feeling… a little bit nervous but excited… happy but sad… sounds weird but that’s how I feel at this moment and to explain it is too hard for me… well, the truth is… I’m just happy because it was Jesus’ birthday… that’s the best explanation I could give…


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Nightfall’s Confessions

Way back then, to tell you the truth, I never adore mythical works because I find it very boring. I don’t even try to watch movies and read books that are fictional except for those fantasy ones. Legends and myths were not renowned to me even if I do remember that we have tackled it when we were in elementary and high school. Another reason is that, I felt sleepy and I felt like it’s just a waste of time so I didn’t have the time to realize how wonderful literature is.
When I enter college and took up the course, AB in English, it is where I truly appreciate literature and then I realize, it wasn’t that boring after all. It was fascinating, captivating, and undeniably breathtaking. What more can I ask for? I begin to dream, to fascinate and to be charmed with the tricks, spells, crafts and many more.
One of the best movies I’ve ever watched so far is the TWILIGHT written by Stephanie Mayer. How would I describe the movie? Splendid? Riveting? I was not just enthralled with EDWARD Cullens, I was not disturbed and I am not just dreaming… it’s true… I was extremely awestruck with him and I never wished it before… I wish he would be the right person for me… someone who’s the same with him… no matter what happens… no matter what’s his flaws and faults, I will never neglect nor betrayed him… I will accept him for who he was… I’m not desperate, I’m just fascinated… and how I wish I was his BELLA… wherein he will fall in love and he will never fall out of love with me… forever will start to happen and it will never end… I wish nothing else… just to be with him …



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Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Don’t look for love…

At the start of this semester, one peculiar thing has bothered me a lot all throughout the days… It’s hard to explain but I think something in my feelings has changed. A change that I should never felt because it might hurt me in the end… What is it?
Many people would say that the more you deny that you have no feelings for someone, the more that your feelings will grow… For me, I always advice my friends about that thing but it never happened to me not until now. Maybe it’s strange but I think or I should better say, I was slowly falling in love for someone whom I think is very impossible to love me back. I was not hoping because I don’t want to get hurt. I often say to others that they should not assume that the one they like or love will have the same feelings with them because of course, we don’t own or hold their hearts to love us too… But I guess, I should better advice myself about that thing.


I never think that love would come again to me… For more or less two years in my life after my last relationship, I was contented being a single or I should better say that I tried to be contented with my status. I was happy but not so much. I was free but sometimes I wish someone would stop me from doing a thing. I don’t need to fix any problems but sometimes I wish I have. I was glad seeing sweet lovers but sometimes I get jealous too. Is it wrong to be single? No, of course. It’s just that, it’s not always right to be alone. Sometimes, we need companion, we need an inspiration, we need someone to rely on aside from our friends. Someone who could understand us and someone who will take care of us when we don’t have time for ourselves. Someone who would show his concern to us and someone who will share his love to us.
I’m not looking for love… I just badly need it (sometimes, I would think that way). Many times in my life, I always think that I was lack of love… Well, it’s not actually true because my family and friends do love me… I just think that way because I wish I could go into a relationship. Funny isn’t it? Well, as a matter of fact, the reason why I didn’t go into a relationship because I was looking for someone who would fit my standards but I guess I was wrong of thinking that way… meeting your standards will never satisfy you, actually. Well, I guess God do has a purpose on why He didn’t allow me to go into a relationship maybe because I have something else to do rather than this one. So, what’s the lesson? Don’t find love, let love find you. Just wait. It will come. Far better than what you’ve dreamt of.



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Wednesday, November 12, 2008

It’s part of growing up!

This expression has been my favorite punch line to other people especially if they commit a mistake without thinking that it would happen to me too. No one is perfect in this world and so am I. Every individual is facing different obstacles on the way, whether it is good or bad. These things came into our lives because it has a purpose whether to make us strong if it is a failure or to make us gain our confidence if it is an accomplishment.

Just after the semestral break in our school, I already encounter one of the most excruciating problems in my entire life and that is when I fail my subject in Statistics I. I don’t know how would I explain the feeling but let me narrate to you what had happened during that day. The date was October 21, 2008 between 10:00 and 11:00 in the morning when a friend of mine had texted me and her message goes this way: “Maam Terror had already released the grades and I’m sorry to tell you Yan, you didn’t make it.” At first, I close my eyes and I glance again into my cell phone making sure that I was wrong but I’m not. I’m waiting for her text again if she will going to tell me that those things that she have said earlier was only a joke but I was frustrated because my cell phone didn’t rang once again.

I then feel the pain deep within my heart. It’s like there is a small pin that hits my heart which became big and big and it really hurts a lot. My tears fell and I wish I could stop it from falling but I can’t, it just drop continuously. I’m not just upset, I was blaming myself and ask God: Why is this happening to me? Why me? Have I been not a hardworking student? Disobedient daughter? Unpleasant sister? Violator in this society? Am I not worthy to pass the subject even if I give my best just to be part of the passing grade that she had given?

Those questions make me feel at worst. I felt like I’m not a good follower of God and these things happened to me because I don’t have faith on Him. The pain had reached at its peak after I was able to open up with this problem with my parents and my sister. I felt guilty because I was not able to pass it. I’m thinking of their hardships in their work like facing hardheaded people and advising them to follow the rules and regulations and another one is that, my sister is so intelligent while me? I even fail my subject, how could I praise myself?

The whole day I was crying but then I was relieved because of the advices that my parents, my sister and my friends have given me in order for me to be reassured and then I realized so many things and I was able to promise to myself that I would not cry anymore with regards to this problem. What are those things? This is just an obstacle in my life and there’s a lot more and instead of thinking negative about it, I should be thinking in the positive way like God has a purpose why I have failed on this and this failure will make me a more determined person to strive hard with my studies, putting all my trust on Him and believed in my capability that I can overcome all the difficulties that I will be going to encounter while I am taking my path to success.

In Psalm 34:17, it says that “The righteous cry out and the Lord hears, and delivers them out of all their troubles”. This only means that God will never leave us alone. He will always be there to guide, protect and deliver us out of all the troubles that we are experiencing. And there is one more thing that makes me alive and happy today. What is it? It is when I finally accept it. The only thing that could heal all the wounds is acceptance and I did it! And I can now praise myself!
This failure is just part of my past and I realize that…… This is just part of growing up! Wonderful isn’t it?

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Saturday, November 1, 2008

Depiction of Flowers

Once you will see a flower, your first description for it would be : Beautiful. But, did you know that a flower has a variety of meanings. Researchers or even experts disagree with what the people is thinking regarding flowers who do have meanings. But still, it’s not bad if we do believe on this. Here are some of the flowers/plants who is believed to have an implication (source from http://www.800florals.com/care/meaning.asp ) :

Acacia which means concealed love, beauty in retirement, or chaste love
Begonia which means beware
Cactus which means endurance
Camellia (pink) which means longing for you
Camellia (red) which means you’re a flame in my heart
Camellia (white) which means you’re adorable
Carnation (general) which means fascination or woman in love
Carnation (pink) which means I’ll never forget you
Carnation (red) which means my heart aches for you or admiration
Carnation (purple) which means capriciousness
Carnation (solid color) which means yes
Carnation (striped) which means refusal
Carnation (white) which means Sweet and Lovely, Innocence, Pure Love, Woman's Good Luck Gift
Carnation (yellow) which means rejection
Chrysanthemum (general) which means cheerfulness and rest
Chrysanthemum (white) which means truth
Chrysanthemum (yellow) which means slighted love
Daffodil which means unrequited love
Daisy which means innocence, loyal love and purity; others define daisy as secret love like in the movie, Daisy (Korean movie)
Dandelion which means faithfulness and happiness
Fern which means magic and fascination


Forget-me-not which means true love or memories
Gardenia which means secret love or you’re lovely
Hyacinth (general) which means games and sports
Hyacinth (blue) which means constancy
Hyacinth (purple) which means I am sorry or please forgive me
Hyacinth (red or pink) which means play
Hyacinth (white) which means loveliness or I’ll pray for you
Hyacinth (yellow) which means jealousy
Ivy which means friendship, affection, fidelity or wedded love
Lily (white) which means virginity, purity and majesty
Lily (yellow) which means false and gay
Lily (calla) which means beauty
Lily (day) which means Chinese emblem for mother
Lily (eucharis) which means maiden charms
Lily (tiger) which means wealth and pride
Lily of the valley which means sweetness, humility
Magnolia which means nobility
Marigold which means cruelty, grief and jealousy
Orange blossom which means innocence, eternal love
Orchid which means love, beauty, refinement
Orchid (cattleya) which means mature charm
Petunia which means anger
Pine which means hope and pity
Rose (bridal) which means happy love
Rose (dark crimson) mourning
Rose (hibiscus) which means delicate beauty
Rose (leaf) which means you may hope
Rose (pink) which means perfect happiness
Rose (red) which means love
Rose (tea) which means I’ll remember always
Rose (thornless) which means love at first sight
Rose (white) which means innocence and purity
Rose (white and red mixed) which means unity
Rose (white-dried) which means death
Rose (yellow) decrease of love, jealousy
Rosebud which means beauty and youth, a heart innocent of love
Rosebud (red) which means pure and lovely
Rosebud (white) which means girlhood
Rosebud (moss) which means confessions of love
Rosebud (bouquet of mature blooms) which means gratitude
Roses (single full bloom) which means I love you and I still love you
Tulip (general) which means perfect love
Tulip (red) which means declaration of love
Tulip (variegated) which means beautiful eyes
Tulip (yellow) which means there’s a sunshine in your smile
Violet which means modesty
Violet (blue) which means faithfulness
Violet (white) which means let’s take a chance

In http://www.beyondblossoms.com/flower_meanings.php, there are various flowers/plants wherein some has the same meaning but others are different from the previous description of flowers I have discussed like:

Carnations which means fascination, devoted Love, Chrysanthemum which means cheerfulness, innocence, Dahlia which means dignity, elegance, Lilies which means purity, faith, friendship, devotion, sophistication, beauty, Orchids which means seduction, preciousness; Roses which means I love you, unconscious beauty; White roses which means spiritual love, purity; Yellow roses which means joy, gladness; Orange roses: fascinated, enthusiastic; Pink roses which means grace, gentility and Tulips which means perfect lover, fame

But for me, no matter what the explanation of the flower has, the most important is that we are happy to see these flowers that were given to us by our God in order for us to appreciate, value and treasure the gift that He had given to us, and that’s what matter the most.

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Monday, October 6, 2008

Ang Lihim sa Likod ng Salamin

“Mararamdaman mo ang sakit kapag ika’y nag-iisa na.“ amin ng dalagitang nakatulala habang nakatingin sa labas ng bintana.
Sa isang kuwarto, sa isang sulok, naroon ang isang dalagang humahagulhol. Nagmumukha na siyang asong ulol. Pilit na pinipigilan ang sarili na mapaiyak pero sadyang patuloy na pumapatak ang mga luhang dulot ng mapait na pag-ibig na nararanasan. Paano maiiwasan ? Paano makakalimutan ? kung saang sulok siya mapatingin ay naroroon ang guni-guni ng kahapon. Siya ay napalunok. Narinig na may kumakatok. Natahimik. Hindi umiimik. Mayamaya’y bumukas. Napapikit dahil sa ilaw na nakabukas. Sinigawan. Binulyawan. Napatalikod. Pilit iniignora ang tensyon sa pagitan ng dalawa. Siya tuloy ay nagmumukhang kawawa. Aakmang aalis. Pero siya’y nagtatagis. Napaupo. Nanlulumo. Nagmamakaawa. Kaawa-awa. Tumayo. Nagpaalam na lalayo. Pinigilan. Walang alinlangan. Itinulak. Lango na sa alak. Iniwan. Nagmumukhang basahan.


Bakit nga ba ka’y pait ng pag-ibig? Puwede bang huwag na itong lumapit ? kung pag-ibig ay sadyang masakit, bakit kailangan pang maramdaman ang hapdi at ang bunga nitong napakalupit?
Napatingin siya sa kawalan ? Pilit inaalala ang mga nagawang kasalanan. Napaiyak. Puso ay mabibiyak. Saka pa naalala ang mga nagawa. Isang araw. Binisita. Sinita. Nagmamakaawa. Mahalin at ito’y maawa. Siya ay buntis. Nasasaktan na ng labis. Siya ay desperada. Lahat ng magagawa ay ipinarada. Humihiling. Siya ay napailing. May iba ng mahal. Siya ay banal. Nagalit at nasuklam. Nagmumukhang mangkukulam. Maghihigante. Kinuha ang kutsilyo sa pahinante. Sumugod. Pinigilan. Hinarangan. Ikaw ay natuwa. Siya’y nasaksak. Ang mahal mo’y bumagsak. Napaiyak. Babae ay iyong binugbog. Dahil siya ang bagong mahal ng iyong iniirog. Ikaw ay tumawa. Ngunit ikaw ngayon ay masama.
Ngunit siya ay nabuhay. Buhay mo ay nawalan na ng kulay. Siya ay lumapit. Ikaw ay napakapit. Niyakap. Ikaw ay nasa alapaap. Patawarin. Napailing dahil ikaw ay salarin. Nagpaliwanag. Ikaw ay nabigyan ng liwanag. Nagising. Naliliyo pa rin dahil sa pagkalasing. Natahimik at napatigil. Dapat sana ay kanyang pinigilan. Hindi tuloy siya ngayon ay nasa kulungan. Tumayo. Humayo. Lumapit. Napapikit. Napatingin sa repleksyon. Binuksan ang salamin. Napangiti. Parang kinikiliti. Tumayo. Umakyat sa bangko. Itinulak. May binabalak. Nasasakal. Mukha ay parang puting asukal. Napaluha. Narinig ang pag-uha. Dahan-dahang napapikit. Hapdi ay nakaukit. Babaeng nakabitin. Saksi ang salamin. Pusong iniwan. Pusong kinalimutan. Pusong tinalikuran. Tanging ang salamin lang ang may alam ng katotohanan.


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Thursday, September 25, 2008

The Truth Hurts

As defined in the dictionary, truth means a fact that has been verified and hurt means the source of pain. For you, how would you define truth and hurt? For me, when these two words are combined, I would define it as Sadness, Distress, Grief, Forfeit, Self-pity, Loneliness and Heartrending.

There are some instances that we are trying to smile and pretend that we are not affected or we are not hurt to discern that the truth is really a painful one. Here are some situations that most of us had undergone:

* Why is it so hard to forget someone who in the first place was never been yours?

* The hardest part of walking away from you is to know that you won’t run after me


* How does it feel to be unnoticed by the person you notice most? It’s like offering your most beautiful portrait to a blind person.

* Sometimes, you have to try not to care no matter how much you do because sometimes, you can mean nothing to someone who means everything to you.

* I asked him, do you love me? He said: let’s just be friends. I asked again, he told me the same answer. Then one day, he said: I love you and I answered: I know because we’re friends right?

* One day, he’ll care for me like I cared for him, one day he’ll miss me like I missed him, one day he’ll love me and I may not feel the same way anymore.

* Because of you, I find it hard to trust not only me but everyone around me

* Sometimes, we tend to ignore the truth, the pain, and even the consequences without realizing that we are doing it for someone who will ignore us after all.

But despite of this dilemma in our lives, we find it as a lesson for us and to see the brighter side of it and that is: we became much stronger after each distressing days in our lives.

Right now, how do I see love? How do I see this person whose glance was never mine? How can I elude his smile that wasn’t meant for me? How can I forget him who in the first place, never knew me? Even if my heart wants to lead me in love’s journey, I can no longer follow. The wounds have injured me too much that all I am able to do now is just sit and dream. Hope has already left my heart but the nice part is that my strong faith remains. I consider love’s journey a battle where my heart is a soldier who fights for the love I truly believe in.
I have failed many times, but I have a very strong vision of love and
THAT KEEPS ME ALIVE all these years…

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Stop… Look… & … Listen

Stop!... According to the study made by the US researchers, Suicide is the third leading cause of death for adolescents and young adults with age between 15-24 years old (http://www.mentalhelp.net/. It has been found out also that the percentage of those people who committed suicide is rising every year. Why? What’s the reason behind? How can we stop this predicament? First, let’s tackle the persons who are involved in this case. These persons may possibly be your friend, your neighbor, your lover or even the members of your family. Second, some of these people tend to misinterpret the things that are happening around them that’s why they feel like they are alone when the people they’ve been expecting to talk to them or care for them doesn’t even show their concern. Some behaviors which started this kind of feeling are the following: Frustration, Conflict & Adjustment.

Look… around you… Haven’t you observed that a number of people are getting emotional? Why is this so? Some says that it starts with just a simple problem in the house. It may be physical, emotional, mental or financial problem and is later influenced by the environment outside the house. The reason behind these suicidal attempts is just because of “lack of love”. They are longing for this love which they haven’t found from their family, friends or even the one they’ve loved. It is said that when they get to be frustrated or experience some conflicts and adjustments, they became depressed. Depression as explained in Psychology is always accompanied by remorse, feelings of inferiority and apprehension (Beltran, 1996). These people when they regret the things that they have done will make them feel that they are so imperfect and nobody will love them the way they wanted to be loved. Sometimes, when these people felt inferiority, they tend to compare themselves to those persons who are much gifted, more attractive and smarter than them and because of this, they are looking for an outlet to express their feelings through wearing black t-shirts or black eyeliner, listening to emotional songs such as love songs and is isolated in their respective rooms and if they cant bear the feeling anymore, that’s the time when they have decided to put an end to their lives.

Listen… to them… they need you physically, mentally & emotionally or even financially… Don’t dump them… Don’t ever avoid them… Support them… Love them and don’t ever dare not to care for them…

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Sunday, September 14, 2008

How will Team Philippines make it out on the Olympics 2008?

Literally speaking, we all know that it is impossible for our country to reap a medal in this venerable event because we are all aware that various athletes from different countries are also competing for the same pride and honor.

Ever since in the history, Philippines was not able to obtain any medal since the Olympics had started. Why? What’s the reason behind? Are our athletes not capable enough to compete with them? Or should we blame the government because they were not able to support the needs of our competitors?


Pride or what you called Self-esteem is the number one reason why the participants of this sports event strive hard not only for themselves but also for the honor of the country which they belong. This feeling motivates them to reach their goals and that is to bring home the gold medal.

In relation to that, what makes other countries earn these medals is all because of the support that they have which motivates them to do their best. We should not wonder why countries like China & USA always win in the Olympics. First and foremost, their government was supportive to them. They do have funds which are intended only for the players for their daily practice on their respective events and they are given so much time for their trainings.
What about us? Our government wasn’t thinking to allocate some budget that is intended for our players only because if they did, many of our citizens will be getting poorer.

The recent Olympics, again, our country wasn’t able to gain even one bronze but despite of this, we’re still proud of them for their efforts, their hardships and sacrifices and for us, they are still winners and heroes of our country.
By the next Olympics, we should not lose hope to try our best because the only thing that we have that others don’t have is our faith in God.

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What is a Dream?

In our Psychology subject, I’ve ascertained that Dreams are those hidden conflicts, desires and wishes in our lives that don’t occur in real life.
But don’t you know that each of our dreams has its own implication and interpretations? At first, I was thinking about this question and I ask myself: Did I ever think that my dream has a meaning? Like when my crush is courting me in my dream, does it mean that in actual, it might happen too? The answer to that is no because ever since, I thought that my dream was just a product of what I’ve thought during the day before I’ve slept at night but I was wrong.

In our class in Humanities I, the first assignment that we had was all about King Nebuchadnezzar’s dream. He also asked us what the dream is all about, the interpretation and its relevance to the past, present and future of humanities, and etc. After which, I have discovered the answer to my question. It was written in the Bible, the Old Testament, Daniel Chapter 2.
One day, King Nebuchadnezzar had dreams and he was very bothered that he summoned all the magicians, sorcerers, enchanters and the astrologers to interpret the dream for him. The question is: did it happen that a man can interpret the dream of others which they can’t remember? The King was furious when his people told him that they cannot interpret his dream that’s why he ordered the persecution of all the wise men in Babylon.
Daniel was one of those wise men who will be persecuted that’s why he told Arioch, the King’s captain guard to give him time to interpret the dream of the king.
Given this problem, Daniel prayed to God that He may reveal this secret to him. One night, Daniel was shown the king’s dream and its interpretation and he hurriedly go to the king and unveil his dream.
It was a statue with different minerals on it and represents various kingdoms that will rule. These sovereignties are strong during their time of ruling their respective empires but as time goes by, these realms later deteriorate. The statue has its interpretation of the kingdoms: The head of gold signifies Babylon, the Breast and Arms of Silver signifies Medo-Persia, Belly and thighs of Brass signifies Greece, Legs of Iron signifies Rome, Feet & Toes of partly iron, partly clay signifies Europe. But another kingdom will emerge and that is the Kingdom of God that signifies the stone which will be thrown to the statue and it will turn into pieces.
The implication of this dream in the past, present and the future of humanities is that: whenever we had problems, we should not forget to pray to God because it is the only way for us to unravel our problems.
That is the whole story of Nebuchadnezzar’s dream and I’ve realize that in real life, really, our dreams have explanations but we just don’t mind about it.

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Wednesday, September 3, 2008

What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever done?

Given this question, the very first thing you will do is to think it over before you will finally realize the answer to this question. But for me, I wasn’t able to visualize the hardest thing that I’ve ever done in my life because the fact that it was an impromptu speech given by our professor in Speech and Oral Communications.
Seconds passed by before I had my idea on this topic. And then I said: “What’s the hardest thing that I’ve ever done in my life? It was when I was pretending to be happy when deep within this heart of mine I felt the opposite. Why I was pretending to be happy? It is because of two reasons: (1) because I don’t want others to see me hurting and (2) I want to hide the pain that I’ve felt so others would not worry about me. I tell you, it is very hard for the reason that you keep on pretending in front of many people that you are fine when in truth, you’re not. But the lesson behind that is: not at all times, you need to hide what you feel, it is not wrong to show what you feel to others, instead, you became stronger because you were able to prove to others that you can actually release the untold feelings in your heart.” I was contented after I’ve done my speech because I was able to overcome this fear of having that impromptu speech. How about you? What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever done in your life?



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Thursday, August 28, 2008

Peculiar Kind of Feeling (Is it love or lust?)

How do we differentiate Love from Infatuation? Actually, at first, I was insisting that what I feel is love but I soon found out that it was rather an infatuation. In the article written by Miriam S. Tumangday in the book Health & Home, she had stated some differences between Love & Infatuation and I just took 7 from the 10 distinctions she had given it is because these 7 variations caught my attention.
1.) Love centers on one person only while infatuation tends to consider several persons at the same time. I can say that what I’ve felt right now is just an infatuation because I do like three guys at the same time. I can say that it is love, because just what I have experienced a year ago wherein I was just focused to one person only and I wasn’t attracted to anyone even if someone’s giving his attention to me. In this case, there is really a big difference between the two. It is how you have given your attention to that certain person. If your attention exceeds to another, it is not love, it is otherwise.


2.) Love develops slowly. They say that there is love at first sight but to me it’s not, it is still attraction which develops to infatuation and then it develops to love. You cannot tell that you love a person just the moment that you met him/her. Love develops slowly and not in just a blink of an eye. Because if it is, it’s really an infatuation or rather an attraction.
3.) Love motivates behavior, usually toward positive. Infatuation does the opposite. They say that when you’re in-love with this person, you tend to accept all his flaws and ended up advising him to change his attitudes if it is bad. On the other hand, if you feel is just an infatuation, you tend to insist that what he’s acting is not good and you keep on telling him that you need to change his character immediately or else you will leave him. In this manner, when you feel is just an infatuation, you keep on asserting that you are right and your requests should be granted by your lover. It is really the opposite if you feel is love.
4.) Love is selfless while infatuation is selfish. It is very simple to explain. If it’s infatuation, you’re just thinking of yourself and if it’s love, you don’t actually think about yourself and instead, you’re focusing on your partner.
5.) Love produces security, infatuation insecurity. In infatuation, insecurities really develop which made the relationship full of arguments and conflicts. In contrast, when you’re in-love, you will feel the security from your lover and you will feel that no one can touch nor hurt you.
6.) Love survives separation. Infatuation easily dies when put into distance. It is when you put two lovers into distance, will make you distinguished if they feel is love or just an infatuation. In infatuation, the feeling will easily die because you’re used to see him every now and then whereas if it is love, no matter how far you are with your lover, you can survive it because you trust him and because of this trust, you can really tell that you really love him that much.
7.) If it has to end, love does it slowly. If you’re in-love and it finally reaches to its end, you will really have a hard time upon recovering from the pain because you still cannot accept the fact that he/she has decided to end up your relationship. The love that you feel will fade very slowly because you had to accept and forget what had happened which really take a long time before you finally feel that you already moved on or the feeling has totally gone. If it is just an infatuation, it is totally the opposite because you will be hurt by this person you have liked but just for a few minutes, after that, you will be happy again and you finally forget what had happened to you and to your crush.

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Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Some Models of Communication and its Differences



The Shannon-Weaver Mathematical Model explains that the Source encodes the message through the channel. But before it reaches the Receiver (Decoder), the message may be interrupted by what you called Noise which keeps the message from being understood by the Receiver. The main ingredient in this model is the Noise compared to other models wherein the noise was not emphasized.

Berlo’s Model of Communication is really a good example for us to understand how well communication works simply because he was able to emphasize the profiles or the purpose of each element. The source encodes the message depending on his communication skills, attitudes, and knowledge on certain things, his social system and his culture. The receiver decodes the message depending also on his communication skills, attitudes, and knowledge on certain things, his social system and his culture.


Schramm’s Interactive Model of Communication simply explains that when the encoder encodes the message, the decoder then interprets it. After interpreting, it is then when the Decoder becomes the Encoder that encodes the message to the Encoder which is now the Decoder. The process of communication is continuous. The difference of Schramm’s Model of Communication is the Field of Experience


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Building Memories

How do we build memories? Is it when we have shared ideas problems, experiences and emotions to other people? What about helping strangers or taking care of a child whom you don’t actually know? From these situations alone, we can say that we build memories with them especially if we did something which is for their own good.

In addition, sometimes, we tend to take for granted those people who care for us, who loved us and never forget us. Let us talk about this movie entitled “50 First Dates” wherein the main character named Lucy who had a problem with her short-term memory and the stage of her memory cannot proceed to long-term memory. In her case, people around her, especially her father and her brother tried their very best just to meet the usual things that Lucy did before she’d undergone with the car accident. Adam Sandler who played the role as the lover of Lucy never stopped courting Lucy even if he’ll gonna do it everyday. It is because he really loved Lucy despite the fact that she cannot remember him after 24 hours.

With this movie, I was really touched because it is a rare one for a guy who will be patiently in-love with a woman who happened to lose her memory and can only remember you for 24 hours. I was crying because I knew that it is really hard in the part of the guy to court Lucy everyday.

This is why at present, I tend to treasure every person who came into my life because I don’t know if someday, these persons will just lost their memory and cannot remember me anymore.

As what the saying goes: “True happiness doesn’t depend on possession or position. It comes from the quality of relationships with the people we love and respect. And these creative meaningful relationships build lasting memories.” Sometimes, we tend to control other people but we should not insist that we owned them just because we do have a relationship. It is not the measure of true happiness but the good memories we have shared throughout the years…

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Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Unspoken Affection

What love is? I wonder how it began, where it came from and who the creator is. All I understand about “love” is that it is a powerful word that is said to the people who are very special in your heart. But how can this four letter word a mighty one? Is it when it is said by the people who are special to you and it really affects you and you feel so happy? Or when you’re heart is beating so fast that you can hardly breathe every time he’s with you or maybe you feel like you’re floating in the sky whenever he will ride with you in a car, give you flowers or chocolates or invite you for a date? Is that what love means to you?

Love for me, isn’t just a word that is used by the people in order to get who they like and who they want or it is a way to impress people that you had this capability to go in a relationship. Love is a strong and righteous word. It is a promise to the person that you’re going to treasure and cherish her/him and that promise should not be made if you mean to break it.

Promises are made to be broken as what they say but so far, I didn’t ruined any promise that I’ve made and it really hurts when the one you’d trusted so much are the ones who will make you cry and suffer. It was painful because you’re expecting them to treasure you but then, they will dump you afterwards.

My love life wasn’t that happy. I had gone to four relationships. The longest affair that I had was three months, the two were two months and the other one was two weeks. Weird isn’t it? If it’s a big question that I consider it as a slight love it’s because of my sincerity to the relationship that I had. For considering them as an important person in my life is such a big slapped to me because they we’re not able to show that thing to me.

What is the beginning of my love story? Who are the persons who capture this small heart of mine? And how did those love stories ended? Well, let’s start with the first time that I had experience to have a crush. His name is Kenn Anthony Apique, he was grade three by then and I was a grade one student. I met him because he was my sister’s classmate. He was always invited to my sister’s birthday and every time that I see him, I was blushing or I would run to my room and I will hide under my bed. I was ashamed because my family knows that he’s my crush and they used to tease me whenever he’s in our house but later on, the infatuation has vanished.

I was nine years old when I discover my first love. His name is Florante Bertulfo Jr., my classmate. He was not handsome nor he is taller than me, in short, he was not a kind of person that you’ll get attracted to but he has that so called “sex appeal” that’s why I’m not wondering that many of my classmates including me were captivated by his charm. I was so proud at that time that I fell in love with him and even my classmates knew about my feelings for him however, my puppy love for him has ended when I reached first year high school. I stopped loving him or I should say that I’ve tried to stop my feelings for him when I heard a rumor that he was courting a friend of mine. Well, it was the first time that I felt pain and I shed tears because of a guy. I felt I was unlucky again when I reached my second year in high school and for the second time, I was broken hearted when my crush is courting another friend of mine. I was upset at that time because I feel like I was so unfortunate in terms of love and I thought that all the persons that I’ve learned to love weren’t able to like me and instead they fell in love with my friends.

I’d stopped adoring men for months until I’d reached third year. At that time, suitors came into my life and I wasn’t expecting that because I thought no one dares to like me but I was wrong. They said that they’ve like since we were still in first year. I was innocent about their untruthful speeches and alas, I fell into a two months relationship and my first one. He was a volleyball player or I should say, he is the star player of the volleyball team in our school. Our relationship was not because of love because I was just influenced by my friends to say yes although I felt something for him later on but it wasn’t enough for me to stay in the relationship so I decided to end the affair. That incident was on January 13, 2006 and two days after the break-up, that was Monday, I found out that he has another relationship other than me and I was a little bit angry because he was such a liar when he said that it was only me that he has courted and then, I realize that I never made a wrong decision to end up with him. Two weeks after, my close friend has confessed to me that he has feelings for me and he wants me to be his girlfriend and I refused him because my feelings for him weren’t more than just friendship but then, he asks me for a deal. It was a two weeks deal wherein he will be my boyfriend and I’ll be his girlfriend. At first, I say no once more but he’s begging and then he promised that after the deal, our friendship will stay the same so I said yes and the relationship had gone to two weeks only and as he’d promised, the friendship is still there.

The next relationship was the worst and the anguished relationship that I had although it was the longest affair. It was also the relationship wherein I shed tears every now and then. It was March 3, 2006 that I’ve said “yes” so fast for the first time to my suitor. He was a kind of “torpe” but he was able to confess to me. He was a shy and a quite person that’s why I’ve learned to love him in just a span of time. In addition, he was a religious, kind and an honest person as what they say. That’s why also, I’m expecting that he will not cause pain to me. But the happiness that I’ve felt were stopped for a moment because after two days, I cried because I was embarrassed when I call him to speak with me because I had something to discuss with him and he never showed up that’s why I told his friend that we will have this so called “cool off”. The next day, we’ve talked and just a simple explanation, I then easily forgave him. At that time, I can conclude that I was so numb.

The next thing that he had done that caused pain to me once more happened on March 31, 2006 when I was informed the next day on our farewell beach party that my boyfriend slept with a girl. It was the most distressing day that occurred in my life. I was crying the whole night with my friends. It was also my first time to drink alcohol wherein I was drunk because of two glass of Red Horse that I’ve sipped.

But maybe, I was so in love with him because after two days that he had clarified everything to me and said that he loved me that much, I’ve accepted his apology once again. But later on, when I reached the last year of my high school years, I then felt that I was tired with our relationship, that I’ve slowly learned to stop the feelings that I have for him.

That was the time that I promised to myself that once the person that I’ve learned to love doesn’t make me feel that I’m an important person to him, I will gradually oblige myself to stop my feelings for him so that I’ll not be hurt once again. That’s what happened to me and Jan Ryan Cullamat last July 31, 2006 wherein I’ve decided to end our relationship for the third time but it will be for good as what I’ve said to him but that’s when I finally knew that he was deeply in love with me when I saw him crying and he tried to stop from schooling because I broke up with him. But deep inside, I was certain with my decision, no guilt feelings and no worries. I felt sorry for him but what can I do? It was his fault. If he was able to show it to me since from the start that he really loved me, maybe, our relationship never reached to its end.

The last relationship that I’ve encountered happened on January 15, 2007. It was an affair of long distance relationship. He was a first year Accountancy student of UM Bolton living at Buhangin, Davao City. We had our communication through text only and we’ve only seen our faces through Friendster. It was an unbelievable one that once again, I wasn’t able to warn myself and I fell in love again. The reason of the pain is because he has another girl and he promise to me that he will end his relationship towards the other girl but it was really a disappointment to me because he chose not to end his relationship with her. It hurts but I then came to a decision wherein I will be the loser once more. I was able to move on with those heartrending experiences for almost 10 months. I was finally free from the burden that I’ve brought throughout those cruel days when finally he approach me and say sorry to what he’d done to me. I was delighted because his “sorry” was just enough in order for me to recover from the pain that I’m suffering for a longer time.

Every time that I will talk about those distressing happenings in my life, it makes me happy and sad. I am glad because despite the fact that I was always hurt by the persons that I’ve loved, I became a much stronger person and I was able to fight for what is right and ignore for what is wrong. I was sad because I’m still single and I’m kinda jealous with my friends who have their boyfriends. However, I was ignoring the reality that I don’t have a boyfriend who’ll be with me always because I know that I’m not alone and I don’t need a boyfriend for this time because I am with those persons who completes the emptiness that I’ve felt and treasures me and kept me in their hearts and that makes me comfortable. And at this moment, I realize that I was contented in adoring the opposite sex with limited time only. In short, it wasn’t the right time for me to fall once more. If love is meant for me then I’ll accept it but for now, “I’m satisfied and I’m happy that I’m single because at least, there were no worries and no hassles” as to what they say.

The lessons that I’ve learned from those experiences is that first: when we are in a relationship, we should be true to ourselves, if we don’t have feelings for that particular person, we should not take advantage on it or pretend to be in-love with him/her but instead, make him/her realize that you aren’t worth it for his/her love so that he/she will never wait for nothing. Second, if we are going to make a promise, we should not make it just to break it. A promise is a promise, so if you will give a promise to the person, you should do it not just utter it. Third, if you haven’t experienced any relationship and you’re looking for love, don’t ever do it because as stated by the experts, you shouldn’t find love, let love find you. And lastly, as what they’ve said, most of the broken hearts are caused of unsaid feelings so if ever you had feelings for him/her, don’t hesitate to express it and if ever he will ignore you, don’t be upset, you’re not asking him/her to love you back, all you need is the freedom from the untold feelings in your heart.

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Tuesday, August 5, 2008

The Real Thing About Me

Why did I choose to have a blog? Way back then, when I was in elementary, I used to write my hatred, insecurities & heartaches at the back of my notebook. Through writing, I can freely express what I feel for that instance and after which, I felt much comfortable that I was able to express what my heart is telling & stopped myself not to express it.
As years goes by, I was able to purchase a notebook that is intended for my personal experiences, heartaches & happy moments and I called it "My Diary" but it was just for a while... I felt tired of writing the pain inside me especially because everybody seems to be interested to know what I wrote... whoah... I wish I could shout it out so loud that "Can't you understand that it is my personal stuff?" Well, sad to know, nobody didn't ever think about that!
Now, after so much time, I missed writing my point of views, that is why, I was eager to have a blog... Since it is my first time to have a post here, I hope that when someone's interested to see my post, he/she will never get tired of reading it again and again...

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Friday, August 1, 2008

 
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